I’d be lying of I said that I am just nothing but excited about being pregnant. So, I hate to say this but this post might not be the up beat, glowing talk of pregnancy that you’d expect so if you don’t want to read some very real thoughts, stop reading and I’ll see you tomorrow.
I’ve been blog surfing and found so many feel good blogs from mothers to be who are just beside themselves with excitement over becoming a mom. I have those days for sure but for every one of those I have, I have one that isn’t so happy.
I went on a run today after a long day of facilitating the first day of a three day finance workshop, which by itself was draining. During my run outside, around my hotel in Orlando my thoughts turned to fear, doubt and frustration. I feel terrible for thinking about it this way but life has changed. It’s no longer about me and I’m afraid of that. For 30 years I’ve done what I want, when I want and while I don’t see myself as a world traveler and adventurer I do enjoy occasional trips, or just taking off for the weekend to spend on the lake.
I wonder how I’ll be able to give so much of myself to another human being when it can be so challenging to meet the needs of those around me as it stands now. I know people will tell me that it happens and you will just do it but right now it’s scary.
Sometimes I think that my running and continuous working out is my method of coping with negativity. Pushing myself to the limits redirects my focus. Whatever the case may be, I feel like I need to deal with these feelings head on in order to fully get past them. So I’m dealing and hoping that this is all just one big giant nasty mood swing.