Regret can be a Strangely Motivating Thing

My motivation for this post is coming from the pressures of school that I’m feeling right now. There are only a handful of things I regret. I can say that honestly because I’ve tried to live my life with the motto of no regrets. I don’t want to look back and wish I would’ve made a different choice.

I thought about it a lot for this post and really and truly just a couple things. The reason I bring it up is to help you see that doing this kind of assessment is not only good, but motivating as well. It’s good because there comes a time when you have to learn a lesson and just let it go but getting to that point, at least for me, was tough. I thought I’d share a couple of my stories to help you get started…

College Volleyball..I loved (and still do) volleyball.
In high school it was, by far, my favorite sport. I loved it so much that it was my one and only goal when talk of college came up (did I mention I don’t think I was great?). None the less, I ended up going to my local Junior college for 2 years and walked on their team.

In two years, I went from walk on to a stating setter (an accomplishment I still take a little pride in) to a highly recruited prospect. (I know…you’re asking where the regret comes into play? Don’t worry, it’s coming).

Anyway, I again, became very short sighted by only wanting to play for, what I considered, a good division 1 school even though there were a handful of amazing schools that I could’ve gone to. I made my choice and trained all summer as prescribed by my coach. Once preseason started I was beyond excited and physically prepared. What I wasn’t prepared for was the mental toughness I would need. I was playing on a level unlike any I had ever experienced. (to illustrated, the coach would make us watch game film of the Chinese national team which at the time was on top). I wasn’t prepared. The pressure became too much and I cracked. The team tried to help, I got a sports phycologist but it was too late. I went running home with my tail between my legs and it’s bothered me ever since. This is one scenario that I usually don’t even like to talk about because I’m embarrassed. In the time since this has happened I can look at how I approach a challenge and see positives and negatives of this experience coming through.

Fitness Competition…after college I got back into fitness full time through running and weight lifting. I worked out at a gym that was home to an amazing fitness competitor who often talked about the sport with me. So much so that I decided to give it a try. With memories of my volleyball debacle still fresh, I approached it with an optimistic reality. I worked and worked and got to a pivotal point where I felt I had to make a decision.

At the time, I felt that there wasn’t room in my life for everything I was doing (technology consultant career)and a fitness career. I made what I thought was the more conservative decision to “retire” (if you can call it that) and focus on my technology career. The part of this decision I regret isn’t the decision itself but rather that I couldn’t see that with a little flexibility I could’ve made it work. Hell, today I am juggling a career, a family (toddler included), grad school and charity work. I’m pretty sure I could’ve done it. But again, now I have to lingering sinking feeling every time I think about it.

So you may ask why do I let some of these memories continue to live on inside my head?

First, I can’t get rid of them, they won’t go away. They live right next door to my moms voice (aka my voice of reason) and that’s where they’ll stay. But I prefer it this way.
Every time I want to quit or give up on a goal, I remember how I felt in the scenarios above and that is usually the exact kick in the pants I need to get up and over the hump.

My advice here is if you’re holding on to regret, figure out a way to see the silver lining or the lesson you learned that you learned and then file it away only to live on when you need it to.

Use it as a tool to help you reach your goals, not a crutch to fail.

Make sense? How do you deal with regret?