I’ll apologize for this post in advance. I’m pretty sure it’s going to be all over the place but I’m having trouble getting it written down in just the right way. (Oh and I’ll return to the regularly scheduled Hood to Coast Updates tomorrow).
BUT..I found myself telling someone today about this past weekend (which now seems like a big blur) and heard myself saying “I did things that were totally unlike me” and for whatever reason, the comment lingered well past the conversation I was having when I said it. I couldn’t figure out why for the longest time than it hit me this evening…
Maybe the person I was this weekend, IS the person I truly am. The person who loves adventure, doesn’t mind taking chances, loves talking to and meeting new people and just enjoys having new experiences. This weekend I did some “wild and crazy things”. I colored my nails bright pink, I put random tattoos all over the place and walked around in a sparkle skirt.
Is that me normally? Nope. Was I uncomfortable doing it? Nope.
Sometimes I think we get so busy just trying to get by that we forget to be true to ourselves. Does that make sense? We pack up all the characteristics that make us unique and only use the ones we need to. We live life on the surface. I can’t tell you the last really deep conversation I had was. The closest thing was this weekend with the girls but even then we were rushed by the events of the weekend.
Part of me is scared to be me, to put it all out there because part of it’s painful. There are still some things that are so fresh that opening up too much would probably mean breaking down.
There are parts of me that I don’t share, at least with the people I interact with daily, because it doesn’t fit the mold or the environment we’re in. It’s a slippery slope that’s left me feeling a little lost.
I knew this weekend would be an adventure, I knew I was going to take chances but I didn’t know it was going to be such an eye opener.
I’m going to work on it. I’m going to think long and hard about what it is that I’m doing and if I’m sacrificing too much to do it. Am I in the right environment? If the answer to those questions lead me to continue to question who I am, then I feel like I might need to figure out how to change it.
I need passion in my life again. I need to feel like everyday, I WANT to put 150% into everything I do and all the while being true to myself.
Ok, so I know this is super deep and I hope I didn’t weigh you down too much.
Do you know who you are? Do you ever think these types of things? Do you have that friend you can go to and have that deep, meaningful conversation? Maybe it’s a matter of just having the time but I’m curious.