That my heart could possibly have any more capacity to love another child the way I love E?
This kid is the center of my world. He knows me so well and seems to be wise beyond his years.
Take, for example, just tonight. As I’m trying to put him to sleep, I’m laying next to him and my mind starts to drift. Drift to thoughts of my dad, who, if he were here with us, would be having the best week of his year. He loved Christmas week because it almost always meant we were all together and he could just sit back and be so proud and thankful for being apart of it. I could see it in his eyes every year. It’s one of the things that I will always remember about him. He was such a proud dad and grandfather and he wore that emotion like a badge.
Anyway, as I was laying next to E tonight, just as he was starting to drift off, he rolled back over to face me, kissed my nose and said “uv you” (Love you). I mean really?! It’s like Dad told him to do it. It gave me chills.
But that’s also the moment that it hit me..how is it possible that I have anymore capacity to love? How is it possible that my heart is strong enough to love two kids the way they should and have room for everyone else, my husband included? Is my motherly love strong enough?
I know lots of moms seem to do it and I’m in awe of them. It amazes me.
Call it pregnancy brain or whatever but I started thinking about working out and how there might just be so much more to it than burning calories. That when someone asks me why I work out, I usually give an answer about keeping sane and that’s part of it but it’s also my chance to work on me…to work on building big strong muscles, my heart included. It’s the time I invest in making sure I do have a heart that is strong and capable, not just for pushing me that next mile but also loving. I work through a lot during that time, it’s my therapy, it’s my outlet.
I’m not entirely sure how to end this post. I hadn’t thought that far. Maybe I should end it with a question…why do you workout? How do you make the seemingly impossible possible?