Do you know what one of the best things about motherhood to me? The fact that to these little beings, I’m everything. When they’re sick, they want “mommy”. When they’re tired, they want to cuddle with “mommy”. When they need to be soothed, all that has to happen is mommy picks them up.
To me, that’s a super power in itself and I’m amazed that I have that ability.
Do you know what I find most frustrating about motherhood? All the above.
I’m going to be COMPLETELY honest for a second. If you had asked me 5 years ago, I would’ve told you that I didn’t want kids. I was extremely focused on my career, on my hobbies and my hubby and to me, life was complete.
S and I talked about it and decided that maybe one would be fine but I wasn’t necessarily convinced. Then God decided that I should and gave us E.
It took me all 9 months to come to terms with my new role. I was (still am) selfish. I didn’t think there was any room in my life (and heart) for another person.
When E arrived, it’s like someone flipped a switch. It’s like I had the Motherhood app already installed in my brain but hadn’t opened it yet. I’m still selfish but in different ways.
After E, I thought we were done. I felt like we had a complete little family but again, someone had a plan for us. What I find so funny about how it all went down with Allie is that it felt like I was given chance to be “selfish” and go run Hood to Coast (8 weeks pregnant and didn’t know) before I found out. After that it was time to be a mother again.
I don’t exactly know where I’m going with this but I guess, one of the things I’m struggling with is growing up…not just the little ones but me as well. I want to be everything for them but I realized today when I dropped E off at his new sitter’s house that what I need to learn to do is step back sometimes and that is SOOO HARD. I know this was just a small milestone but it felt big to me and I can tell that every one of these little moves is going to require me to step back just a little more.
I guess what I’m saying is that parenting is an evil roller coaster. 🙂 Ok, maybe not evil.
How have you dealt with reigning in your need to be needed? Or is this all in my head? You can say that too. It’s ok.