Do you know what one of the best things about motherhood to me? The fact that to these little beings, I’m everything. When they’re sick, they want “mommy”. When they’re tired, they want to cuddle with “mommy”. When they need to be soothed, all that has to happen is mommy picks them up.
To me, that’s a super power in itself and I’m amazed that I have that ability.
Do you know what I find most frustrating about motherhood? All the above.
I’m going to be COMPLETELY honest for a second. If you had asked me 5 years ago, I would’ve told you that I didn’t want kids. I was extremely focused on my career, on my hobbies and my hubby and to me, life was complete.
S and I talked about it and decided that maybe one would be fine but I wasn’t necessarily convinced. Then God decided that I should and gave us E.
It took me all 9 months to come to terms with my new role. I was (still am) selfish. I didn’t think there was any room in my life (and heart) for another person.
When E arrived, it’s like someone flipped a switch. It’s like I had the Motherhood app already installed in my brain but hadn’t opened it yet. I’m still selfish but in different ways.
After E, I thought we were done. I felt like we had a complete little family but again, someone had a plan for us. What I find so funny about how it all went down with Allie is that it felt like I was given chance to be “selfish” and go run Hood to Coast (8 weeks pregnant and didn’t know) before I found out. After that it was time to be a mother again.
I don’t exactly know where I’m going with this but I guess, one of the things I’m struggling with is growing up…not just the little ones but me as well. I want to be everything for them but I realized today when I dropped E off at his new sitter’s house that what I need to learn to do is step back sometimes and that is SOOO HARD. I know this was just a small milestone but it felt big to me and I can tell that every one of these little moves is going to require me to step back just a little more.
I guess what I’m saying is that parenting is an evil roller coaster. 🙂 Ok, maybe not evil.
How have you dealt with reigning in your need to be needed? Or is this all in my head? You can say that too. It’s ok.
I to didnt want kids, After several years of marriage I thought something was missing. So we decide to start trying to have a little one. We got our little man and than of course I felt he needed someone to play with so we tried again and got another beautiful boy. One of the hardest things for me was their first day of school, I new from their on it would never be the same. I would have to let them find their way. I cried many times when I new I had to let them grow up. Now my boys are 22 and 19. It amazing to see them as young men finding their way in the world.
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Being a Mommy is so hard. There are days where I wish I could just change my name because my girls call it so much. But I wouldn’t give it up for anything. I think we just have to recognize the need for OUR time. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed otherwise.
Yes, motherhood is definitely a roller coaster. It’s amazing how you can feel absolutely delighted by your children one moment and then totally annoyed the next! And I definitely hear ya when it comes to holding on vs. letting go. I feel like life has accelerated to warp speed since the arrival of our second. I’m constantly torn between wishing away the time so we can get through the rough patches while simultaneously clinging to the tender moments because this will be the last time we have a baby in the house. It’s exhausting! I also seem to have more mommy guilt this time around. I know it’s ok to take time for myself, but as a working mom, I feel like my time with the girls is pretty limited. My priorities have definitely shifted, and I’ve had to dial back on lots of volunteer commitments. I know the girls won’t always want to snuggle or play with mommy, and I don’t want to look back and regret missing this special time with them. Thanks for sharing your thoughts & emotions with us!
You’re doing a great job and just going through all the normal emotions of being a mama. It is a tough job, there’s no doubt about it. Sometimes I want to run screaming the other direction from my kids, but in the end, we are so lucky to be loved and needed on that level. The needs change as they get older, and the stepping back gets bigger, but it’s still a great gig.
I think we all want to be needed, by our kids or by a loved one. The tricky part for me is allowing my kids to do things on their own and become independent. I have to remind myself that that is my job as a parent is to teach them to go out in the world and take care of themselves without me (ouch, that hurts to write it) but so true. My kids are very independent , to the point where, it’s almost hurtful.. I hold back the tears or hurt feelings and allow them to be on their own, but when I leave to go somewhere, they get so upset, it reminds me that they need me way more than I think they do. It IS a roller coaster! I’m so glad I love amusement park rides!
I love this! I really love that you are so honest in your writing. You probably don’t even realise how many people you reach, the people you put at ease.
I am married and currently childless and having that tug-o-war in my mind. I feel like I ‘should’ want kids and want to be a mom but if I’m being honest, I just don’t feel it. I too feel like my life is complete and honestly I’m too selfish. I work as a nanny and absolutely love kids, I really do, but picturing them as my own is waaayyy overwhelming.
It’s nice to know that you’re on the other side and that a life that you felt was so complete can be even more so.