You know those women who just know that they want kids?
You know those women that know how many they want?
You know those women that knew after one they wanted more?
Well guess what? I wasn’t one of them. If you asked my husband, you would find out that we debated having kids at all.
Then when we found out we were pregnant with E, I adjusted to the idea of being a mom. Then when E was born, I was BLOWN AWAY. Like you could’ve knocked me over with a feather. I had NO idea what I was getting into but I knew that it was meant to be and that I loved every emotionally wonderful moment of it.
S and I struggled as parents at times but came out the other side. We loved watching E grow up. He loved us soo much (linking to one of my favorite memories) and we loved him more than I ever knew we could.
I thought our little family was complete.
I thought there wasn’t anymore room in our hearts (or house) for anyone else.
I thought I was ok with our family just the way it was.
Then, I found out I was pregnant with Allie. Again, I struggled. I struggled with the idea of juggling two kids, I struggled with losing the independence we had gained as E had grown up and mostly I struggled with how I was EVER going to love another child as much as I loved E (Link to my confession). It really worried me.
Then almost three months ago, Allie was born and my world was ROCKED again!
I learned really quickly that..Yes, there was room in my heart for another little one (and the house too).
I learned that yes, having two kids is difficult but amazing all at the same time.
I learned that my husband and I can work as a pretty good team.
I learned that I really don’t have much control over my little world and that when someone has bigger plans for me than the marathon I had planned to train for or the triathlon I really wanted to do, than I just need to let it go and see where this wild ride takes me.
And mostly I learned that I wasn’t OK. Not at all. There was more. Our little family wasn’t complete.
Am I ok now? I’m not sure but I think so. I’m definitely happy, content and tired. The rest will take care of itself.
What did you think you were ok with that ended up being different?