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A Confession and A Lesson

January 27, 2014 30 Comments

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I was all ready to post about this little fitness segment that I had ready but something happened this weekend that has had me thinking a lot and feeling kind of bad.

S and I went to a movie.  I know..that’s not ground-breaking or earth shattering but it kind of was.  Call it a date night or a parental break but whatever it was it was great.

The night started with us dropping the kids off and as we drove away, I took a deep breath and tried to switch gears from parent to spouse.  I tried to ignore the questions…”did I pack their pajamas?”  “Did I pack enough food?”

We drove silently for a little while and then the conversation started slowly.  We talked about where we were going to park, if we had time to get some food, was the movie going to be sold out..small talk.

We got to the theater early enough to sit and have a glass of wine and people watch, one of our favorite things to do together.  If you know S, he’s a quiet type.  We are so opposite in a lot of ways but when it comes down to it, we can sit together not saying a word and be just as happy as can be.

As the time went on, I started remembering what life was like before the kids.  Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my children but for a brief moment in time, I remembered what it was like to just be a wife.  To be S’s +1.

Then it hit me...the hardest part about being a parent, is remembering to be a wife.  

Before we got married, we had to to got marriage classes at church and the priest said something…

“Above all else, you are a wife and above all else, you are a husband.”

At the time, I rolled my eyes, and thought quietly to myself “well, duh”, not really taking in the meaning.

When E came along, I quickly immersed myself in the role of mom and MiniE’s arrival really solidified that role.  That isn’t bad but what is bad is forgetting that my kids aren’t the only ones that need a little nurturing.

S and I connected as husband and wife again, in that short three hours we had together and it was wonderful. 

Looking back at what the priest said, now I get it and I’m not exactly thrilled with that sinking feeling I have in stomach but that’s about to change.  We went to see American Hustle and Jennifer Lawrence’s character talked about the “Power of Intention” and while she was kind of flighty and crazy, it did stick I guess because I intend to be a better wife.  S deserves nothing less. 

Happy Monday…

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Comments

  1. Angela @ Happy Fit Mama says

    January 27, 2014 at 11:41 am

    I’ve had similar thoughts lately. We’re both so immersed in kids life that the hubs and I both forget about each other. Thanks for the reminder to book a date day ASAP!

    Reply
    • Katie McFarland says

      February 4, 2014 at 8:37 pm

      It is so easy to forget that before we were moms we were wives. Crazy notion right?

      Reply
  2. Katrina Elle says

    January 27, 2014 at 12:00 pm

    I’ve heard that’s the biggest challenge balancing being a wife and mom – yay for honesty!

    Reply
    • Katie McFarland says

      February 4, 2014 at 8:38 pm

      Thanks Kat. It really is. I think my husband would agree.

      Reply
  3. Carla says

    January 27, 2014 at 12:23 pm

    OMGOSH YES.
    yes.
    YES!!!!!!!

    Reply
    • Katie McFarland says

      February 4, 2014 at 8:39 pm

      YES. 🙂

      Reply
  4. Tara Newman says

    January 27, 2014 at 12:32 pm

    So true. People think I am crazy when I say my husband comes first. But we are the foundation for our children. If we are “cracked”, they collapse. However, it is easier said than done.

    Reply
    • Katie McFarland says

      February 4, 2014 at 8:39 pm

      I love that! We can’t crack!!

      Reply
  5. Coco says

    January 27, 2014 at 12:37 pm

    Great reflection! We definitely got closer again when our kids hit the teens years – clinging together through those trials and joys as our kids developed their own lives!

    Reply
    • Katie McFarland says

      February 4, 2014 at 8:40 pm

      That’s so true. Thanks for the pick up!

      Reply
  6. MCM Mama says

    January 27, 2014 at 12:41 pm

    Beer Geek and I started making sure we went out at least once a month when the kids were young. Sometimes that meant a lunch because that’s when we could find someone to watch the boys, but that was fine. Now we usually manage at least twice a month, plus we eat lunch together (we both work from home) at least twice a week. As we enter the teen years (gah!) it’s even more important to stay connected.

    Reply
    • Katie McFarland says

      February 4, 2014 at 8:42 pm

      The date night is so important. I get it.

      Reply
  7. Holly says

    January 27, 2014 at 2:04 pm

    It is so easy to forget this. Sometimes making the arrangements for the kids seems too daunting but you are right; it is important.

    Reply
    • Katie McFarland says

      February 4, 2014 at 8:45 pm

      You’re so right but it definitely needs to be done.

      Reply
  8. Nicole Goodman says

    January 27, 2014 at 2:46 pm

    Love this! Don’t feel bad though. It happens to all of us. It’s easy to get lost in our many other roles. But, spouses first, children next, and everything else, after. When our children grow up and start lives of their own, I still want to be best friends with the man I committed to so many years before.

    Reply
    • Katie McFarland says

      February 4, 2014 at 8:45 pm

      I want us to be old and friends still. 🙂

      Reply
  9. Krysten says

    January 27, 2014 at 3:04 pm

    This is a beautiful post! I don’t have kids yet, but I have often struggled (especially over the past year) to focus on my role as I wife. I have often found myself swept up in surviving that the little things, our time together, all of that gets put on the back burner. This year I am committed to focusing on just being together.

    Reply
    • Katie McFarland says

      February 4, 2014 at 8:46 pm

      It seems like an easy concept but one of the hardest to focus on

      Reply
  10. Axel Kussmann says

    January 27, 2014 at 9:23 pm

    I’m one of the lucky ones, in that my wife always tries to keep sight of being in a marriage in addition to running a family. (Sidebar: I noticed when she first started joining mom & tot groups like ‘Mother Goose’ that she and other mom’s got to know each other as “Bobby’s Mom” or “Sally’s Mom” without learning each other’s names! What’s up with that? You don’t lose your own identity by having kids!) Still, it makes me realize that I don’t necessarily put thought into being a good husband… I tend to glom husband/father into one bucket, in that making sure mom is cared for is good on both fronts. Still, maybe this could use some tweaking…

    Reply
    • Katie McFarland says

      February 4, 2014 at 8:47 pm

      It’s interesting to hear the husbands perspective. Thanks Axel!

      Reply
  11. Kim says

    January 27, 2014 at 9:25 pm

    Well said. I too find that one of the biggest challenges of being a mother…..realizing I’m still a wife at the same time. I struggle with balance. Being aware of it, however, is a great start I suppose.

    Reply
    • Katie McFarland says

      February 4, 2014 at 8:48 pm

      I’m glad I’m not alone. 😉

      Reply
  12. Meredith says

    January 27, 2014 at 9:55 pm

    Wow , yes. I’m not a stage yet where I can personally attest to this, but will try to remember those instructions to be a wife, first. All else will fall in line.

    Reply
    • Katie McFarland says

      February 4, 2014 at 8:49 pm

      It’s true!

      Reply
  13. Teamarcia says

    January 28, 2014 at 1:56 am

    Amen sister! Kids are so all-consuming it’s tough to remember the husband/wife bond we had pre-kids. We definitely need work in this area as well.

    Reply
    • Katie McFarland says

      February 4, 2014 at 8:59 pm

      It’s an ongoing challenge

      Reply
  14. answerdalloftheabove says

    January 28, 2014 at 3:02 am

    With two kids it’s hard to remember you are also a wife. My husband and I make sure we get a walk in once a week. It helps remind me of my wife status and we get to talk sans kids which is very nice and also try not to talk about kids too!

    Reply
  15. PavementRunner says

    January 28, 2014 at 6:04 am

    FACT. But at the same time, you are both parents and united in making sure your children are taken care of. I know the first lady is our world and always our number one priority. Part of being a good wife (or husband) is knowing that you are in it together. Sometimes it means putting the kids first. I know, as a good husband, my wife would want me to and I would like the same from her.

    But having some along time is FRIGGIN sweet huh? Oh, how easily you can drift back into old routine. Cheers to that. 🙂

    Reply
  16. Emily Nickles says

    January 28, 2014 at 1:47 pm

    Very very true. I have only been a mom for 6 months now, but at the same time, I absolutely have been sucked into that world, and I too intend to be a better wife. Thanks for the reminder.

    Reply
  17. Jessica says

    February 3, 2014 at 3:20 pm

    Great posts. Its also amazing for your kids to see a strong, prioritized relationship. Your relationship with your husband is the model for a lot of their future relationships.

    Reply

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