I had a soon-to-be mom express to me, at the gym, the other day that she was scared..scared to be a mom…to lose her identity (mentally and physically). First off, I was beyond humbled that she felt comfortable enough with me, not knowing me from Adam, that she could share that. I immediately empathized. I had felt the same way.
Moms are all different and depending on where we are in our lives when we become moms, some are scared, and some are excited. Neither is wrong.
It reminded me of when I found out I was going to be a mom. I will be the first to tell you that I was not in a place where motherhood was “in the plans”. I had a career, a new husband and I just wanted to have fun, selfishly.
When we found out, it took me all 9 months to come to terms with the new title and role. I wish I could sit here and say that I was elated but I wasn’t. I was borderline depressed. I can tell you that I did go to therapy for a while. I needed help trying to figure out how life was going to work as a mother. The planner in me didn’t understand how I was going to be able to do all the things I still wanted to do and be there for this baby. I just didn’t get it. It wasn’t black and white, I couldn’t rationalize it.
Pregnancy was a journey for me in more than just the physical sense. It was the evolution of a mother.
I can honestly say it wasn’t till I held E for the first time that I realized that I was, in fact, a mom. My life had changed forever. I can also honestly say that the second I held E and watched him look at me, I got it. It all made sense.
There is a level of satisfaction that I didn’t even know existed. The words settling and content use to be synonyms but now I realize the difference. I’m extremely content in the best way possible. Every night before going to bed, I give each kid a kiss and just watch them sleep for a minute. Thanking God for them.
Motherhood is a long road full of ups and downs. What I’ve learned, in the short time I’ve been a mom is that you don’t lose your identity, it changes you, but in the end…
Not to mention, when you become a mom, you acquire a skill set that you didn’t know you needed. You learn to “roll with the punches”, you learn patience and you learn what’s important in life.
You get all that when you embrace motherhood, not to mention the snuggles, hugs, and kisses.
Was there a moment when you realized you were a mom?
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Wow this is a great post. I struggled with the same thing. Mainly not knowing if I was going to be ready and not knowing if I would be a good mom. The first day with my daughter was so blurry, so much was happening. I didn’t get the ‘wow I’m a mom’ moment until hours after she was born. She was gagging a bit on her own spit and I panicked and cried and it hit me that all I want to so is protect her and never let her hurt in any way! Thankfully my mom and husband were there to help me through that moment!!
I realized I was a mom when, at the hospital a day after Clark was born, surrounded by aunts, uncles and cousins, Clark started to cry. Immediately he got handed off to me for comforting and I thought, “Wow, I’m the mom here. I’m the one who needs to make him feel better.” Thanks for your thoughts on this, Katie. I think it is important for pregnant women to realize that everyone starts to feel like a mom at a different time – some from the first second they find out they are pregnant and some much later.
Great post. I am terrified of becoming a Mom for the reasons you mentioned. I’m terrified of losing myself, I selfishly want to do the things that I want to do and probably above all I am terrified of how my relationship with my husband will change. Your encouraging words and knowing these feelings are normal is very helpful!
This is a great post. Thanks for being honest with us! I feel like there is so much out there about how every mom is always so happy and excited to be a parent. When I found out I was pregnant, I cried. I cried for so many reasons: mainly fear of the unknown and the loss of all the selfish things I wanted to accomplish before I got pregnant. I took me a few weeks/months to get it too. It is amazing how once they arrive, it totally makes sense. 🙂
I definitely was in that same boat or still am. I just recently found out I was pregnant and all I could (and still do think about occasionally) is how my life is going to change and my sub 3 hour marathon goal is slowly slipping away. My type A personality hasn’t quite come to grips with it all yet. I didn’t want to believe it, and denied it, until It was pretty clear I was with hearing the baby’s heartbeat and now watching it grow. I am still trying to grasp the concept of motherhood. I will have a baby almost exactly 1 month after my husband and I’s 1 year anniversary. It all came a little to fast!!
Me and my husband celebrated our 1 year anniversary when I was 38 weeks preggo with our daughter. It wasn’t the first year we thought we’d have, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Good luck and congratulations to you! =)
I think I always knew I was a ‘mom’ and I was ready for that. What I didn’t realize is how much I loved it, I thought I was soo ready for my mini vacation, away from the baby and all its requirements at 7 months old. I was wrong, I missed her like crazy and the last day I was out was actually hard to have fun…and I was at Universal Studios!
I can totally relate. Even my own mother admitted to me that she had doubts about what kind of mother I was going to be when I became pregnant. But the moment I held my baby girl, it was clear as day (and my mom told me that she knew immediately after seeing me with my daughter). I still struggle with the selfish thoughts every now and then, even more now that I’m expecting #2, but I cannot imagine my life without my LO. I don’t need anything else in this world since I had her.
I can totally relate to this too. I was so worried about losing my identity, about whether or not I would be a “good” mother. I think that it was one of the hardest adjustments and I was definitely depressed for a while. Thanks for sharing this Katie.
I LOVE this post. I so needed it this week, and I will bookmark it for future reference when I am going through a tough time!
I think I still have these moments. Where I look around at my 4 kids and think – I am so a mom – I am in charge of these little people and they are counting on me.
Motherhood was a big adjustment… and you’re right, you’re still you… different, but it’s not like our lives end because our children’s lives begin. It took me a while but I feel like “myself” again… if any of this makes sense!
I found out I was going to be a mom the week we moved across the country from North Carolina back to California. After the lost year in NC I was ready to tackle life again, loose the weight I had put on, start working and be a full time student again. Life had other plans for me. I cried when I found out I was pregnant. It wasn’t until the 20 wk appointment when I found out it was a girl that I realized I had to get it together. I still have moments when I feel lost in mommy land but my daughter’s little hugs and kisses bring me back to earth. You are very right, I am still me, just a better version of me.
Love your honesty and insight into becoming a mom. I don’t know that I had a moment like that – but everything changed the moment she was born. It’s hard to imagine how life will change until that moment!
I love love love this post. That moment when you finally get it makes all the difference. Thanks for sharing 🙂