Oh boy! This seems like a relatively harmless question but I’ll admit that asking myself this question was tough but what was even tougher and continues to be is answering the question.
I had the chance to reconnect with someone who I love very much and the conversation we had flowed so freely and so openly that it left me more vulnerable than I have felt in a LONG time. We listened, we challenged, we questioned…we respected each other and at the end of the conversation, which ended only because we got kicked out of the bar, I was left with one outstanding thought, one outstanding question…
Do you think you deserve to be happy?
It seems obvious that the immediate answer would be “yes” but I would be lying if I didn’t think it through.
By thinking about the question, I’m not saying that my life isn’t making me happy. But what I am saying is that defining “happy” hasn’t ever been and never will be an easy exercise. Part of maturing is understanding who you are and what makes you happy. I have always struggled to figure out who I am in an effort to figure out when I will be happy.
Some may say that it’s a red flag that I’m even bringing it up but what I’m really saying or what I’m really doing rather is challenging the idea of what “happiness” is or what we think it should be. Need an example?
Here comes the honesty:
Some will say parenting brings so much happiness but I’ll admit that I’m not always happy parenting. I questioned it even before the kids were around, read about it here but what I do find happiness in and really love is being a mother.
Does that make sense?
Perception would tell us that we should all love parenting from the onset but I guess what I’m saying is that our idea of “happiness” doesn’t come from perception.
At the end of the day, the moral of the story for me, and what I try to live every moment by is that happiness comes from within and nowhere else. It doesn’t come from any where other than the feeling deep inside that guides us. Trust it. I live and breathe by the idea that we should continue to ask ourselves what happiness is and adjust accordingly.
Am I rambling? Are you living the dream? What do you think? Are you happy? What would you change if you could?