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Is it Just Life or Internal Sabotage?

March 30, 2016 3 Comments

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I’m in a weird place right now.  A little while back I shared with you my big crazy goal.  I was (still am) motivated.  I hired a coach, got a plan and got to work.

After meeting with my coach she said to me…

“This is entirely possible.  For you it’s going to be your head that gets in the way.”

I shook my head in agreement as I recalled my college volleyball days sitting across from the Sports Psychologist (yes, we had one).  This wasn’t a new message to me.

I took it in stride.  I made some great progress.  I was finally seeing improvements and optimism followed. I hit a couple bumps in the road but ultimately, was still feeling like this might happen.

Then two weeks in a row I missed my long runs.  On Instagram I whined about “life getting in the way” but this week (I’m still two weeks out from my goal race) I started thinking about that phrase.  Then it happened…you know how on TV sometimes, someone on a murder mystery somehow puts all the pieces together in an instant and you see them all flash in a second to show you how they all relate?!  Yeah…that.

Is really life getting in the way or am I using that as a handy excuse in the event I don’t reach my goal?

I never thought I was afraid of failure but then I started thinking and decided I really am but only when I truly am giving 110%.  In those instances, which I’m thinking are fewer and further between than I think, I’m afraid of giving it everything I have only to find out it wasn’t enough.

Fear of Failure

Bummed by this revelation, I’m in a weird spot.  I’m feeling a little lost.. in a haze, in a mist.  What’s my strategy going to be come race day?  Am I going to try and see how far I get and then scrap the rest of the race or should I lay up and try for a more attainable goal?!  The idea of quitting makes me want to vomit but if I never started can I actually quit?!  See the conundrum I’m in?!

I don’t know what I’m gonna do.  If I even have time to “try” but for now, I’m just gonna leave this right here.  (and yes, I’m quoting children’s books because that’s the extent of my reading lately and I do get messages out of them)

Is it just life or am I sabotaging myself? #Runchat #FitFluential

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Well…what do you think?  Am I sabotaging myself or giving myself an “out”?

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Comments

  1. Jen @ SprinklesHikes says

    March 31, 2016 at 8:26 am

    I don’t know if it’s necessarily sabotage, but do you think you’re burned out? Your body could be telling you to rest and you’re listening… it could be a lot of things. Just know that when you make a decision, it’s always the right one for YOU 🙂

    Reply
  2. Erin says

    March 31, 2016 at 10:50 am

    I am in the same boat. I truly thought the Go St. Louis would be my time to get my time under 2 hours. I totally might be making up excuses but between a busy work schedule, kids, and getting sick more than I ever have, I know I am not going to make it. I thought I might place myself in the 2:10 pace group and see what happens. I don’t think you are giving yourself an out or sabotaging yourself! Life really does get in the way, especially for a busy woman like you! I am sure you will do great and if I see you there I will cheer you on! 🙂

    Reply
  3. Jess @ run pink says

    April 1, 2016 at 5:22 am

    Excellent post! I think we’ve all been in a place similar to this. Well, I know I personally have. My mind is my biggest enemy. When we set super high goals is exciting! Then scary…our natural instinct as humans is to find the easiest way out. So you may have short changed yourself in part by truly not believing in your very core that you CAN. Have you read the book called Elite Minds? I strongly recommend it. I’m rooting for you!!!! You can do hard things. And on a side note, in a past marathon training cycle I missed a long run here or there and I still achieved my goal of breaking the 4 hour barrier in the marathon (3:46!). So all hope is not lost girlfriend!!!!
    Jess @ run pink recently posted…TBRT 1.0 Ed.# 2 Sucking WindMy Profile

    Reply

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