After meeting with my coach she said to me…
“This is entirely possible. For you it’s going to be your head that gets in the way.”
I shook my head in agreement as I recalled my college volleyball days sitting across from the Sports Psychologist (yes, we had one). This wasn’t a new message to me.
Then two weeks in a row I missed my long runs. On Instagram I whined about “life getting in the way” but this week (I’m still two weeks out from my goal race) I started thinking about that phrase. Then it happened…you know how on TV sometimes, someone on a murder mystery somehow puts all the pieces together in an instant and you see them all flash in a second to show you how they all relate?! Yeah…that.
Is really life getting in the way or am I using that as a handy excuse in the event I don’t reach my goal?
I never thought I was afraid of failure but then I started thinking and decided I really am but only when I truly am giving 110%. In those instances, which I’m thinking are fewer and further between than I think, I’m afraid of giving it everything I have only to find out it wasn’t enough.
Bummed by this revelation, I’m in a weird spot. I’m feeling a little lost.. in a haze, in a mist. What’s my strategy going to be come race day? Am I going to try and see how far I get and then scrap the rest of the race or should I lay up and try for a more attainable goal?! The idea of quitting makes me want to vomit but if I never started can I actually quit?! See the conundrum I’m in?!
I don’t know what I’m gonna do. If I even have time to “try” but for now, I’m just gonna leave this right here. (and yes, I’m quoting children’s books because that’s the extent of my reading lately and I do get messages out of them)
Well…what do you think? Am I sabotaging myself or giving myself an “out”?
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