It takes a hole to make a mountain
And that’s never been more true for us than it was this weekend. Since September, we’ve been working on purchasing a home. One that both Scott and I immediately agreed upon. It’s in the right neighborhood with the right elements. It needs work but that’s exciting to us. Hell, I even bought HealthyHomeWithHeart.com so I could document the journey this house was going to take as it turned into our home.
The date was set, our house was sold. We spent weeks packing, purging, and lining up contractors.
December 15th was the date. We knew we were dealing with a little dicey situation, but we were optimistic it would work out.
Well, it didn’t and our world came crashing down. We weren’t getting the house. Things had happened beyond our control and we were going to be homeless for Christmas.
I like to think of myself as a pretty strong person but after getting that news, I was broken down. I sat in my car crying a cry I haven’t cried since my dad died. It was a feeling of hopelessness that no one should feel.
As I went back into the home I had to move out of the movers could tell something was wrong and the compassion these strangers showed made me cry that much harder. A hug is such an emotionally connecting gesture.
The rest of the day would go in waves of hopelessness and anger as I thought about the makeshift Christmas we were supposed to have in our new house. The vision I had of the kids exploring their rooms…gone! The immense amount of cleaning that was going to be needed…needed no more.
Devastation is an understatement
That was Thursday. Friday was much of the same as we said good bye to the only house the kids have only known. The home we only sold because we had found THE ONE.
After giving myself a little time to grieve, I woke up Saturday morning determined. Determined to not let this man and his antics impact me anymore. I was pissed but I was also ready to fight. Fight to keep a strong front for the kids. Fight to return to me. This guy had impacted me too long. It’s time to pick up the pieces and move on.
So we started our day in one of the places that provides the comfort of home…the gym. If you follow my instagram you know I needed every sweaty minute of that workout. I can’t run right now, my knee’s jacked up again (Add that to the list of depressing realities) but what I can do is lift and that’s exactly what I did.
The focus…the intensity…the burn.
Everything about that workout was EXACTLY what I needed to wipe away the residue that was left by the events of the previous day. I could feel the clouds lifting with every rep. I could sense clarity was coming soon. I might have even done some praying. Asking God
why…why this…why us…why now
I’m a firm believer in things happening for a reason but when they are this devastating, it’s hard to understand. But in that workout, I decided to give it over to God and return to me. There was even a moment of forgiveness for this troubled man.
I could tell that this workout would be the starting point to the journey back up the mountain. No matter how hard, it was time to fight. That’s where I’m at right now.
So where are we? We’re staying with family (we’re very blessed to have so many amazing family and friends rallying around us right now) indefinitely. We’re piecing together a plan and we’re doing it as a strong family unit. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger and brings us closer together.
I think this post is another piece of the journey. I needed to think about it. I needed to write about it. I needed to see it on proverbial paper. I need it to remember the raw emotion and to realize how far we’ve come when we finally do get back to the top.
I also needed to tell you all Thank you. I’ve tried replying to all the comments on instagram. Your unconditional love and support has reminded me just how lucky awe are to have the support structure we have. One you’re all part of.
And if you take anything from this…remember that you to are strong. If you’re in the hole, remember you will get out….
You will get up the mountain!
Why? Because you have to. Because you’re a fighter!