When I started this blog over seven years ago…actually probably about 8 to the day (WOW!!) I started it as a way of airing my fears of becoming a parent and to share the journey no matter how raw it was.
In those early months before two kids, I shared my concerns about becoming a mom and what life would be like. That’s what this entire community was based on…honesty and openness and the ability to share…judgement free. All that sharing helped me through some pretty difficult times.
Now here we are 8 years later and I find myself dealing with more anxiety but it’s not necessarily mine (even though there’s some there)…it’s E’s.
I’ve always known that he’s a sensitive kid but lately I’ve seen a depth of feeling that has me in awe but also has me being far more aware of what he’s thinking. Turns out E inherited my inability to shut it down and my ability to fear things that aren’t substantiated at all.
I can remember being in grade school and fearing (a very real feeling in my head) that I was going to lose my mom. It was such a crippling fear that I can remember sitting on her bathroom floor when she was getting ready in the morning. Leaving her side hurt a LOT.
Luckily I had a good mom that helped me through it and here I am today telling you about it in a healthy way.
Well earlier this weekend E started expressing fears that would leave him tears. He has fears of death and losing me and a myriad of other fears. The good news is he’s talking to me and I’m able to talk to him about it.
In the back of my mind I was hoping it was an isolated conversation and that the rest of the weekend would go much smoother…sadly it didn’t.
I started thinking about it and what might be causing it. I think our lack of a stable life could be one reason and I HATE that for him and I hate that one asshat of a man trying to dodge the system might have caused it. Could be the weather lately here…grey and gloomy for too long as well as all the external stimulus (news is awful and he sees it a lot).
It breaks my heart as his mom to see him suffer…
Whatever the cause, we’re working through it. I’ve done some research into ways to help your kid and it seems to be helping some. Tonight he went to sleep without me having to sleep with him all night. I’ve been learning about what to do as a parent and what kinds of coping mechanisms to teach him. Here’s some of what I’ve learned.
I know this blog is about running but we’re parents too. We’re moms and dads just trying to be the best humans we can be for our kids and it’s moments like this when I’m reminded that life is tough but together we can get through anything.
Pay attention to your kids a little more…look for the signs and don’t dismiss them. These are the moments when we should go running towards not running away from.